Men Are Pigs
by denise1
Summary: After the men bail, Sam and Janet bond a bit.


Title: Men are Pigs  
Author: Denise  
Rating: PG13  
Content Flags: Nothing really  
Pairings: Sam & Janet Friendship  
Prompt: 'Let's not be workaholics for a day, Gen'  
Summary: After Hathor, the girls decide to take a little time  
Author's Notes: Thanks to the prompt maker, also to Rachel. Because, without her, none of this would be happening.

Men are Pigs

By

Denise

The three men sauntered out of the locker room and Sam rolled her eyes before turning her attention back to helping Doctor Frasier. The haz mat team was due to arrive within the hour to sanitize the locker room.

"I appreciate your help," Doctor Frasier said, letting Sam put the cap on the tube.

"Sure," Sam answered, setting the vial into the container.

"A medal, can you believe it?" Janet asked, still processing the general's words. "I don't think I've ever been up for a medal before."

"Don't start planning the party yet," Sam said. She looked at Janet. "It wouldn't surprise me if, by the end of the week every mission report along with any record about Hathor gets filed away and 'lost'." She made quote signs with her fingers. "This wouldn't be the first time reality gets altered to soothe egos or 'for the good of the project'."

Janet frowned, not used to such cynicism form the woman. "Well, you were afraid that he was going to file charges. And he's not going to do that," she said, trying to change the topic.

Sam sighed. "There is that."

Janet shook her head. "I think we're done," she said.

"You sure? There's still a lot of…stuff." Sam gestured at the blackened goo. The whole tub area was filthy, not just in but around the large hot tub. She honestly didn't know if the hazmat team would be able to reclaim it or if it'd be replaced. She hoped they'd tear it out because there wasn't any amount of cleaning that could get her wanting to use it again.

"The fire probably did ruin most of this," Janet said.

Sam nodded. "I'll get back to work then."

"Aren't you off?" Given that she'd just seen the rest of SG-1 leave, she thought for sure she was keeping the captain from her downtime.

"I have a lot of stuff I didn't get done the last couple of days. Might as well get caught up."

"No you don't," Janet said impulsively.

"Yes, I do," Sam said slowly.

Janet got to her feet and made her way over to the phone. She dialed Hammond's extension, hoping that the man had gone directly back to his office. "Sir, Doctor Frasier here. We're done gathering our samples and I'm not feeling well. Doctor Warner is here so…Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I was going to have Captain Carter drive me home…of course, sir. Good Night." She hung up the phone. "We're good."

"Doctor, I can't just—"

"Yes, you can. You saved the base today, you—we, deserve some time off. Let's give up being workaholics for a night," Janet said. Sam hesitated. "Come on, the boys are gone. It's our turn." Sam looked at her for a few seconds, clearly tempted. "Let this be our commendation," Janet said.

"Okay," Sam agreed.

The two women changed their clothes and left the base, Sam driving Janet's car to keep up their story. It took them less than half an hour to drive to Janet's rented bungalow. Janet led Sam in. "Make yourself at home," she said, taking off her jacket and tossing it over a chair. "My cupboard's not exactly overflowing," she warned.

"Oh, I wasn't—"

"Girl's night," Janet declared. She pulled a bottle of rum out of the cabinet. "What's better than booze and delivery?" She grinned, holding up the bottle.

"Chinese?" Sam asked hopefully.

"Sounds good to me," Janet said. She set the bottle on the living room table and went in search of glasses. "Phone book's over there. Order whatever you want, I'll eat anything."

While Sam ordered the food, Janet put some ice cubes into glasses and grabbed a bottle of diet Coke, taking them into the living room. "Hope Diet Coke's okay," Janet said. "I don't think I have another mixer."

Sam nodded as she finished up ordering their dinner. Janet mixed the drinks, making hers a little weak in deference to the pain killers she was taking and handing one to Sam as she hung up the phone. "Half an hour or so," Sam said, taking the drink.

"To saving the base," Janet said, holding up her glass.

"Saving the base." They clinked their glasses and each took a drink, the first hints of the alcohol starting to melt away the stress of the past couple of days. "Men are pigs," Sam blurted out. She looked at Janet.

"You know, I was there, they were..."

"Thinking with their lower brains?" Janet said.

"Yeah." Sam nodded. "She's a much beloved goddess. Let's make her comfortable. She's a guest, Captain. She's on our side," she mocked. She glared at Janet. "None of this would have happened had they not been thinking with their johnsons."

"True," Janet agreed. "Although what little research I did suggests that they were literally drugged."

"Don't tell me they couldn't help themselves," Sam interrupted.

Janet shrugged. "I can't say that for sure but...it's possible." She took another drink. "Doesn't mean we can't be pissed at them."

Sam snorted. "You know the most frustrating thing...if it had been us, if we'd been going gaga over some alien man, they would never let us forget it. We'd get all sorts of lectures about being weak or should have known better, all that jazz. But because it's them, it'll go away and they'll get a free pass."

"I don't think so," Janet said. "The general's humiliated right now. As are Colonel O'Neill and Doctor Jackson and honestly a lot of the other men. General Hammond is trying to tread lightly but...don't sell him short. Not yet, anyway."

Sam shrugged. "I'll believe it when I see it," she said. "I mean, I've known General Hammond a long time but...you didn't see how he acted."

"A dirty old man?" Janet suggested, waggling her eyebrows.

Sam laughed and took a big sip of her drink. "Randy old goat? Falling all over himself. And his drawl gets stronger when he's under the influence."

Janet laughed. "What's so funny, they were all hot for her, and all puffing themselves up and who does she choose? The most unmacho man on the base."

Sam frowned. "Do you mean she and Daniel..."

"Oh yeah," Janet said.

"Daniel had sex with a goa'uld?"

"More like the goa'uld had sex with him," Janet clarified. "I thought you knew that."

Sam shook her head. "No I...I mean we found him in her quarters and he looked...but all the men were all gaga so I didn't think...really?" Janet nodded. "Wow."

She took another sip of her drink just as the doorbell rang. They paid for their dinner and sat down, Sam doing most of the serving while Janet topped off their drinks.

They ate in relative silence both finally sliding their dirty plates onto the coffee table and sitting back. "We should clean that up," Janet said, not really meaning it. She was comfortably sated with food and drink and the last thing she wanted to do was be responsible and clean up the mess.

"It's too bad we can't duplicate Hathor's whammy," Sam said, finishing off her drink.

"What do you mean?" Janet asked as Sam got to her feet and retreated into the kitchen, returning in just a few seconds with fresh ice.

"You should have seen them in the briefing room." Sam sat down and mixed them each a new drink. "All she had to do was practically crook her finger and they did anything she wanted." She gestured at the mess on the table. "If we had her juice we could have one of the boys not only clean this up, they probably woulda paid for it."

Janet grinned. "Oh, I would love that," she said. "Colonel O'Neill, mop the floor. Doctor Jackson, do my shopping. Teal'c, fold my laundry."

Sam laughed. "I could make the colonel run my gate diagnostics. When we go off world, they can take all the watches and I'll get a good night's sleep."

"I bet Teal'c gives fantastic foot massages," Janet said.

"The colonel could mow my yard and Daniel can do the dishes," Sam planned.

"What's the general doing to do? Clean the bathroom?"

"EWWE!" Sam groaned. "I don't want him in my bathroom. That's creepy." She paused for a second. "He can mop the kitchen instead. And change the oil in my car."

"Clean out the refrigerator," Janet suggested.

"Hell, he can cook dinner," Sam said, gesturing with her glass, the coke sloshing dangerously. "And the next time the gate starts acting up, Colonel O'Neill can stay until 0300 to fix it, AND still report for duty on time the next day."

"They can do the physicals," Janet said. Sam frowned. "Hey, it's not fun to have to examine a couple hundred naked men, half of which barely make the weight limits and all of which think they are god's gift to womanhood." She shook her head. "I could write a book about all the crappy come on lines and affectionate terms they give their penis'."

"They really do that?" Sam asked.

Janet nodded. "Which, you know, whatever, but really, I don't give a damn what you call it and the last thing I wanna do is examine it. Oldest damn trick in the book."

Sam laughed. "Oh my god, I can't believe they do that."

"Oh you have no idea," Janet said. "Men are pigs," she repeated, raising her glass.

"Men are pigs," Sam echoed.

:::::::::

The next morning Sam was in the commissary, sipping a cup of coffee to take the edge of the last of her headache when her three not so little pigs strolled in. Struggling not to snort coffee up her nose, she turned her attention to the half-eaten muffin on her tray and the journal she was reading. If she was lucky they'd leave as a group and let her be.

A few minutes later a shadow falling over her journal told her that her wish was going to go ungranted. "Carter, you mind?" Colonel O'Neill asked.

"Of course, sir," she said, closing up her journal. She'd learned a long time ago that journals and food didn't mix well. Either someone splattered something on the pages, or it triggered a conversation that ended up with her starting to answer a question and being told to stop because it was too confusing.

He sat down, his mug of coffee thunking as he set it on the table. "So…you know, we should have invited you along last night," he said.

"What? Oh no, sir, that wasn't necessary," Sam said, caught off guard by his comments.

"Yeah, well Daniel said that we should have," he said. "After we left of course, and Teal'c agreed and—"

"It's fine, sir," Sam interrupted. "Truth be told, I really wasn't in the mood." He quirked his eyebrow at her just as she noticed Daniel and Teal'c walking towards her, both of them carrying trays of food. "I need to get a few things done before the briefing today," she said, getting up from the table. "Excuse me, sir."

She picked up her journal and the remnants of her muffin and left the room. She walked through the corridors to her lab, noting with amusement the way some of the men were acting. Janet was right, they were ashamed. Good. Let them be ashamed for a little bit. It'd do them good, she decided.

She stepped into her lab and started powering up her computers. She hadn't lied to the colonel, she did have a few things to get done. They just weren't things that she NEEDED to get done.

"Where have you been?" Janet asked, hurrying into the room.

"Indulging myself by not being early," Sam said.

"So you haven't looked at your e-mail?"

"No. Hadn't gotten there yet. Why?"

"We need to go, now," Janet said, tugging at Sam's arm. "General Hammond wanted us in his office…oh five minutes ago."

"Crap." Sam followed Janet and the two of them hurried from her lab and down to the general's office.

"What did the e-mail say?" Sam asked, trying to get some idea what was coming.

"Just that he wanted to see us," Janet answered.

"You don't suppose we screwed something up last night do you?" Sam asked.

Janet shook her head. "We haven't even run the samples yet. And I already told him that heat and DNA do not mix well."

They arrived at the general's office and Sam glanced at Janet before she knocked on the door. They were already late, no need to make it worse lurking in the hall. "Enter."

They stepped into his office and both stood. "My apologies, sir," Sam said. "I didn't check my e-mail and—"

He shook his head. "That's not a problem, Captain. Please." He gestured for them to sit. "I was informed this morning that the events of the past couple of days are to be classified. And not just the normal classification of the Stargate project, but beyond that."

"It never happened," Sam said softly, fighting to keep the disgust out of her voice.

"To a certain extent, yes," he said. "Hathor came to the SGC and attempted to take it over. But where she came from and how she gained control of this facility is classified," he explained. "I was given the explanation that the thought of an alien hiding in the far reaches of this planet, along with that alien having near unbreakable mind control abilities was deemed to be too much of a threat to the existence of this facility."

Sam nodded, wishing that she was surprised. She fought the urge to shoot Janet a 'Told ya so' look. "I disagree with them," Hammond continued. "Events were…disconcerting. However, they did illuminate one weakness of this command. We are facing totally unknown threats, and we need the flexibility and creativity to defeat them. That means we admit our mistakes and learn from them. We don't just stick our heads in the sand and pretend they never happened."

He sighed and steepled his hands on his desk blotter. "There are certain things about this situation that I can't do anything about. There are, however, things that I can do." He looked at both of them. "I give you my word that, when we're recruiting people for this command, we will recruit with an eye towards diversity. The threats we face through that gate are wide and varied, so I think the skills of the personnel assigned here need to be that as well."

"Captain Carter, you may be the only female officer assigned to an off world team at the present, but I do not think it will remain that way for long. I am well aware that you and your team have worked things out amongst yourselves, however, when we add more females to this facility, it's not practical to assume that every team will be as flexible. To that point, there is going to be a female locker room created to allow you and any other female personnel a place to shower and change your attire as needed without the need to work out a rotation with the male personnel of this facility."

"Thank you, sir," Sam said. "That will be very nice."

"I agree, sir, thank you," Janet said.

"One final thing," he said, getting to his feet. Sam and Janet, following protocol, stood as well. He reached into his desk drawer and pulled out two small boxes. He handed one to each of them. "This whole situation may be filed away and edited for content, however that does not mean that your contributions will be so ignored. I have placed a letter in your files, as well as those of Teal'c and the other ladies that assisted you in overcoming Hathor. Teal'c, unfortunately, is not eligible for a medal, but the other Air Force personnel are. Captain Carter, Doctor Frasier, had the two of you not kept your wits about you and been willing to risk your lives and careers on your beliefs, this whole situation with Hathor would have ended quite differently. Your dedication to duty is a credit to his command and I thank you for it."

He handed each of them a box and saluted them. They both stood to attention and returned the salute. "Thank you, ladies. You may return to your duties," he dismissed.

Janet and Sam filed out of the room. By mutual consent, they stayed silent until Janet led Sam into her office. Janet shut the door and turned to Sam. As if on cue, both of them grinned and started to laugh. "That was a surprise," Janet said, sinking down into one of her chairs.

"It was," Sam agreed. She opened the box and looked at the ribbon. The yellow and blue ribbon and medal stood in stark relief on a background of black velvet.

"Still pissed off at them?" Janet asked, setting her medal on her desk.

Sam held up her hand, fingers pinched together. "Little," she said. "Might make them grovel a little more, but the prospect of finally being able to take a long hot shower without worrying about someone barging in will help me get over it."

"There is that," Janet agreed. She reached across her desk and picked up a chocolate bar she'd left there the day before. She unwrapped it and offered Sam half. "To kicking ass and taking names." They touched the halves together as if they were toasting .

"To saving the boys from themselves," Sam answered.


End file.
